I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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