sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
