I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
