when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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