Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
