dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
