Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
