It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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