No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry about my life...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
