He asked me if I "almost moaned"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
