shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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