why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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