when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
