i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The uberlube is also flammable
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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