If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
