I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
