My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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