I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
