1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
