soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
