dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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