i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
