You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
