I think I won the penis lottery.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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