I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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