just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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