I can text with my tongue
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
