i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
