Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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