if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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