He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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