You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am available for nakedness
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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