Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
