I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
