You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
