it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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