if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."