She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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