So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar