I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?