We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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