I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
