You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
