Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
