I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
