I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
