Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
