I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize