So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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