Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
