dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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