We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
