im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
