Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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