bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
