I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
