Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
