Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
