Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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