what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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