I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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