My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
