I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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