his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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