so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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