just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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