yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this boner is exhausting
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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