dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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