I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
