if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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