Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize