I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
