FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
